You are here: Dulles Area Real Estate and Homes » Funny, Selling, Web Site Tools » The Future of Real Estate… and everything else

The Future of Real Estate… and everything else

Once you are old enough to manage an ipad or cell phone, we’ll recognize you as a potential future home buyer.

At that time your parents will be required to provide you with spying devices. You’ll be encouraged to carry them everywhere; and put extensions in every corner of your home. These devices will keep eyes and ears on you & others that are in and around your house. They will monitor and control the climate, air quality, sounds and entertainment options available to your and your guests.

This might sound creepy, so we’ll help you name them things that will make them seem like your friends: Alexa, Siri, Cortana and such.

Don’t panic. We’ll let you have “control” of these devices. All we want is the information they’re gathering.

We will track you up to, through, and beyond, your student life. We will follow your social life. We’ll know where you work, how much you make, what you spend and where, your credit rating and bank balances, where you go, with whom, who you talk to, how and about what, how many people you’re with and how often, what you look at and what you talk about. Basically, we’ll know what you think.

We will also continue to control, er… influence, ah… I mean help you monitor your health. We’ll track heart rate, activity levels, food intake, doctor appointments, even your sex life. Don’t you worry… your information will be safe with us!

Then we will be ready to serve you.

Based on patterns we’ll recognize when it’s time for you to get your first apartment, a new room mate, or a place with your girlfriend. We’ll know things like… she’s about to kick you out, or perhaps that you’re having a baby. We will likely know these things before you do.

At some point life will be stable enough and we’ll notify you that it is time for you to purchase your first home. We’ll even tell you which home you’re choosing. We do not want you to get freaked out over all this, so we promise to make sure that you think it’s your idea. We’ll do this through subliminal messages in your technology.

By this point, we will have learned enough about how you think that we should be able control *WHAT* you think. But you’ll never know.

Oh, don’t worry. We aren’t just doing this to sell you a house. That would be a terrible waste of opportunity. We’ll do it to sell you ALL THE THINGS.

You will be continually monitored throughout your life. We will, of course, let you know when you’re getting married, need a bigger house, where the kids will go to school, if youre getting sick and where to go to the doctor, and of course we will know when it’s time for you to downsize, and even when it’s time for a nursing home.

And when the time comes for you to change your housing situation, don’t you worry one little bit…we will have been tracking others and know where the right buyer is for your current home.

You will no longer need to worry about making ANY decisions about anything. This will make everything so much easier than your parents had it.

You. Are. Welcome.

The future of real estate… and everything else? Artificial intelligence may soon be the only intelligence left.

Leave a Reply

NAME
E-MAIL (will not be published)
WEBSITE
COMMENT